You know, I’m not sure if this gets said enough, but this parenting crap is hard. Like, really hard.
This week has been rough. Transitioning Ella with the babysitter and seeing her so upset was brutal. I have to practically hold myself back from running to her and giving her giant smooches to feel better. I am doing my best to allow time for others to learn how to comfort her so that she is not so dependent on me. But knowing what she likes and what soothes her makes it really hard. No one wants to see their little one in distress.
I also started work this week, which has brought up so many emotions. I’ve been a social worker for a long time (shockingly longer than I thought when I start adding up the years), and I love it, but it can be both physically and emotionally exhausting, particularly as we take on the trauma of others. I’m going to be doing a great project with communities that need it, but I’m also going to be away from the kids for three nights a week, getting home passed my bedtime (I’m super old). I know it’s a good thing to head back, and unfortunately, my lotto tickets last week were a bust, so it’s also a necessity, but it is really super hard to leave the girls.
This week Ella also started her Conductive Education class, which is a type of therapy for kids with physical disabilities, primarily Cerebral Palsy, that involves singing and explanation of the movements and activities to teach the brain in different ways. Ella cried the entire time. All of the other kids were pretty happy to be there, but Ella cried constantly. She cried when I put her down. She cried when I picked her up. Sigh.
Despite the screaming, there were no raised eyebrows, no staring, no sighs or whispers until I packed up and left quietly, never to return. Instead, the other mums were just so happy to be there with their kids and watch the awesome things happening. Because I’m in a new motherhood now; I’m part of the special needs mamas who have bigger priorities than playing the mummy wars game.
But that’s what makes this parenting crap really hard, just when you think you’ve got it kind of under control, something happens to throw a wrench in it. Whether it’s a bad day, or week, or situation, or just the final straw, it kicks you in the ass until you get a snuggle, or baby giggle, or even your three year old asking to watch a movie in bed with you, and then this parenting thing is kind of kickass.