A pregnancy lost, a pregnancy gained

When we first found out I was pregnant, I quickly did some calculations and realized I’d be due in March. I daydreamed about hosting my first Christmas after moving from our tiny apartment, with an ever-expanding belly, having lots of time to explain to Buds what was happening, time to decorate a new nursery, and one last birthday for Buds on his own, no siblings. When we found out that the pregnancy would not only be shortened, but would also mean being admitted to the hospital before Christmas, and dealing with lots of extra complications, this bummed me out.

I loved being pregnant the first time, and was looking forward to such a special time again. I’m still super disappointed that we have to deliver via C-section, and I’m nervous about essentially undergoing surgery with two extra teeny tiny humans to keep safe, in addition to everything else.

But, I decided that these babies are special and that, it wouldn’t matter what I needed to do to keep them safe, I would just do it. So, I decided to start dressing my bump and thinking about the future as a party of five. I even had maternity shots done right before heading to the hospital so that we would always remember this time. I’m glad that this is not my first pregnancy, and I’m lucky that I was able to experience a great pregnancy. Instead of focusing on what I’m losing, I try every day to remember just exactly what we’re gaining. Pretty easy thing to do when you get to watch your babies on ultrasound, swimming and kicking each other, and listen to their fast beating hearts, growing stronger every day.

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