A mother’s guilt

There are a number of different type of NICU families; the micro-preemie families, families of multiples, preemie families, full-term families who will only spend a night or two, and families with other children. We fall into a couple different groups, but the hardest for me is being part of the group with other children.

Buds being in daycare makes it so much easier to spend the day with the girls, since he doesn’t know I’m anywhere but at home counting the minutes until I can pick him up. It definitely feels like he’s been a bit neglected, being shuttled between home, daycare, and grandma’s house. Sure, we do dinner and bedtime routine, and I was home last night when he woke up from a bad dream, but we aren’t able to do as much as we used to. 

So, feeling incredibly guilty that my two year old will use this year as evidence of him being the forgotten child years from now when he’s analyzing his life with a psychiatrist, I packed the three of us up on the warmest day we’ve had for awhile and we headed off to the zoo.

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Buds was so excited to see the panda and polar bears, and kept telling his grandparents about it when he saw them. We weren’t there long, and the kid passed out in the car on the way home, but we had fun, and most importantly, he was special and had time to himself with his Mama and Daddy. Of course, I felt guilty for not being with the girls, but watching Buds point to the panda bear sitting on the hill, and say “Ooh! He’s having a snack!” reminded me how special my little man is, and how much I don’t want to miss it. 

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