Sorry, I didn’t know it was a contest

My last Twiniversity blog was about giving Buds attention after the girls came home. It wasn’t meant to be a sob story about having three kids, it was more of a reminder of how important it is to ensure that all your kids, no matter how many you have, know that they are loved and are special.

I had clicked on the comments when the blog was first posted on Facebook and almost all the comments were the same; “Three under three? Try five under five” or “I had twins, an 8 year old, and a ten year old” or some other variation of the same tune; you think you have it rough? I’m so much worse off.

For a brief second, I had forgotten that we are all in direct competition with each other for mum of the year. I would guess that the majority of the people making comments didn’t bother to read the post itself, instead they made assumptions based on the title of the blog, Three Under Three.

There seems to be a belief that the more we struggle and yet survive, the better we are as mothers. And so, naturally, someone with five kids is going to have a harder time in so many ways (financially, emotionally, and even just logistically) than someone with only one child. But who decided that the more kids we have, and especially if they’re close together in age, the harder it is and the more praise we deserve?

Being an amazing mother has nothing to do with the number of kids we have. It is all about our hearts and souls. We don’t need to put each other and our unique experiences down to feel better about ourselves. We’re still in the battle known as the mummy wars, when we should be applauding each other every damn day. You went to the grocery store alone with three kids? You’re amazing! You remembered to get your kid their favourite treat after a busy day at work? Awesome!  You raised one/two/three/infinity children on your own or with a partner? You go, girl! Why do we need to make ourselves feel better by putting each other down?

I hate the feeling of competition. If we’re not vying for mum of the year, we’re comparing our kids and pointing out how advanced they are, in the process tearing down someone else’s baby. Particularly us mums of multiples know it’s not a cake walk, so why do we continue to act so hard done by instead of listening and agreeing with one another?

Yes, I have three kids under three, and yes, some days are damn hard, and others I can make it look easy because that’s my job. I’m a mum.


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