Am I abandoning Ella?


Miss Ella, day 477

In preparation for my upcoming trip away and then my return to work, we started transitioning the girls with their babysitter so that when I do fly the coop, the girls won’t completely freak out.

Except, it’s not exactly going as planned. Today, with Ella sitting on her lap and me right across from her, she bawled. When I stood thisclose to her while she was being given her snack,  she bawled. She bawled until I picked her up, and then she stopped.


Aside from completely tugging at my heartstrings,  she made me feel super anxious about everything. Can I go back to work if she’s like this? Will she get comfortable enough to not only not cry, but to actually enjoy herself with someone else?


Buds and Raegan are pretty easy going. B had a hard time at first starting daycare, but then loved it. Raegan was a little shifty eyed this morning,  but warmed up right away. But my Ella needs her Mama not just nearby, but within hair pulling distance.

After all she’s been through, I want Ella to get to experience everything and I want her to love it. I want everyone to hear her laughing and babbling about what she sees. I hate the idea of me leaving her to go to work and she’s anxious, stressed, or sad the whole time.

Every parent who has to leave their baby has to figure things out, no matter how long their maternity leave is, and even if you’re excited to go back to work, it’s hard to have someone else watch your kid.

Is it harder to leave your child with special needs? From my own experience,  yes. Ella doesn’t just need help sitting up, but she needs help with everything. I never thought much about it before until her therapist told me that Ella relies on me for everything. She  needs me to eat, to move, to play. It’s not only hard to trust someone to do all that for her, but to do it well and with love.

Here’s hoping I win the lottery in the next couple of days.

2 thoughts on “Am I abandoning Ella?

  1. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to know you have to go back to work no matter how much your daughter might need of miss you! That being said though, don’t make yourself feel bad about it! Ella will transition just like her brothers and bough she’ll miss you, she’ll be fine 🙂 You are not abandoning her!

  2. I guarantee it will be tough at first, but likely harder on your than Ella. Once she gets over the initial shock of you leaving, she’ll get more used to the babysitter. It’s hard for her to open up when you’re still right there. Think of it as helping Ella step out of her comfort zone. I had a really hard time with this the first time I left my son for the weekend. It gets easier for the both of you!

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