I just got back yesterday from a week away in London and Paris. (Hence my unusual quietness on the blog front.)

Aside from the trip being awesome, it was the first time I was away from the kids, and it made me realize something;  kids are the worst.

I mean, think about it.

They ruin our sleep. Forget about sleeping in, or sometimes even sleeping at all.

They’re super demanding. They want to eat NOW and drink something NOW and have a snack NOW and buy a new toy NOW. It’s like I’m living with three mini Miranda Priestleys.

They’re full of germs. Full of them. Constantly. Buds has what I call a daycare cough because it’s almost been a constant addition to our lives since he started school. And the runny noses literally never end.

They refuse to sit still. Have you ever been at the grocery store by yourself and found yourself pushing the cart back and forth like you would a stroller? Or realized you’re rocking back and forth when you hear a baby crying? That’s because kids cannot sit still. Ever. God forbid you’re waiting for the light to turn green or are in a line anywhere without movement.

They’re kind of gross. Seriously, think about it. Some of the things we have to do as parents are actually disgusting.

They need so much crap. I brought two carry ons for a week long trip. To take the girls to the park, I need to pack the stroller with everything I may possibly need in any given scenario; rain, wind, sun, warmth, cold, hunger, thirst, poo, dirt, bumping into someone I know. Seriously, why is there so much stuff?!

They cost a lot of money. The continuous growing plus demands for food, water, and clean bums, and all the stuff they need cost tons of money. Then there’s the long term costs like education which really start to add up. Without kids, I may just have possibly been a millionaire.

They’re loud. Why are they always screaming or crying or banging toys together? Like, dude, Mama needs about five hundred seconds of absolute silence. Can you manage that?!

They embarrass us. Why are the kids so well behaved at home and then the second they leave the house it’s like the exorcist? And why do people stare at them encouraging the behaviour? Can I just go out to run an errand without having to quell a meltdown because it’s rainy/sunny/cold/Tuesday?

They take forever to do anything. Need to run to the store for one thing? Count on it being at least a two hour trip.

Seriously, kids are the freaking worst.

But they have chubby fingers and curly hair and they love cuddles and singing songs and giggling and blowing raspberries and playing with the dog and the park and going for walks and they always make me laugh and I missed my three hooligans soooooooo much.

Man, kids are the best.