Today is January 24th and at 11:30 AM I was to be having my c section. The girls were 32 weeks yesterday and supposed to stay in my belly. Of course, they had other plans and were born two weeks early.

I can’t help but wonder if we had made it to today if Ella would be ok, if her first part of life would have been easier.

Did we make a mistake in delivering early or if we had waited, would it have been catastrophic? Will she forgive me for not being able to keep them in longer? Will she be able to understand how this happened to her but her twin sister was fine? Will I ever stop wondering about those extra two weeks and will I ever be able to forgive myself?