For most parents, the due date is an exciting time; trying to prepare for the unknown, and daydreaming about what your baby will be like.
But, say due date to NICU parents, and it cuts through them like a knife.
When I first found out my due date, before I knew we were having twins, I thought the day was perfect; March 20th, the first day of spring. How sweet to have a spring baby to bring in the warm weather! The thought almost makes me laugh.
Today was just like any other day, a regular Thursday for most people. But, for me, the day has hung over my head for weeks. When the girls were first born, we told everyone they’d be home around their due date, then the doctors told us they might be home before, and I was so excited, and now there is no end in sight yet.
Seeing other parents today in the NICU, they asked after the girls, and my response was, “it’s their due date today,” a sentiment met with head nods and understanding. The girls got extra cuddles and kisses, but I still had to say goodbye, and head home to pick up Buds.
I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling more and more bummed out, and even started crying the other day on my walk through the halls to the girls’ room, for no other reason then thinking that I can’t believe I’m still here.
While right now March 20th is a heartbreaking day, it won’t be long before the memory of their due date is replaced by first smiles, words, crawls, and adventures. Until then, I will hold my head up and walk those halls.
That’s exactly it, Mama! Let yourself go ahead and feel the sadness in little waves so that it ‘leaks’ out and takes a bit of the pressure off now. I kept it in until they turned one – and I think it would have been healthier had I let myself vent it out piece at a time. You are so right, you’ll trudge up and down the halls for a while longer, but soon your little ones will be home. You’ll war with joy and peace and relief and bone tired exhaustion – but it will be a good (at least significantly less stressful than NICU) bone tired exhaustion. Keep it up! Prayers going up for you tonight, and your little ones as well.