Today the girls had their first post-NICU follow-up at Sunnybrook. It was mixed emotions going back, part of me felt happy to see people who were practically family for our stay in the hospital, and the other part anxious heading back to a place that holds so many memories and emotions.

After Ella’s head injury and the news that her movements could be effected, I practically jump for joy every time she moves. To me, she seems to be doing well, but after assessing her, our physiotherapist told us her movements are limited and she’s not maintaining eye contact. It cut through my heart, and I know deep down that we don’t do enough tummy time, but I really thought she was doing well. It’s scary to think that at only six weeks, she has limited movements, and even scarier that I didn’t notice. Does that make me a bad mum that I saw chubby cheeks and missed out on what else was happening with my baby girl?

Still, we walked out of the office and back through the halls of the NICU, past our old room, which now houses new babies, and said hello to some old friends, who were amazed at the girls’ sizes, and at our smiles. They told us many parents cry after their follow-up appointments, but to me, it feels like the NICU has had enough of my tears. Now, as a family, we have to be strong.

We stopped to say hello to Dr. Hui, who usually deals with much smaller babies,       but seemed quite at home with ours, and happy to show them off to fellow staff.

Dr Hui and Ella, May 5, 2014

We’ll be back again soon for more appointments, and to show off our girls, who will forever be part of the Sunnybrook family.