Today I ran into the bank, which in and of itself is weird as I usually try to do the whole ATM thing as much as possible.

Standing in line, I noticed that there were posters on the wall and one teeny, tiny diaper. Of course, I know that diaper well, it’s the micro-preemie one that the girls used when they were first born and the posters were all about Sick Kids. The bank is doing a charity drive for the hospital and they were obviously hoping that the sight of such a ridiculously small diaper would encourage people to donate. After all, most people will never come into contact with a diaper, let alone a baby, that small.

I looked at the diaper, then back at my girls, who you would never know once wore something so small. A part of me wanted to yell, “You’ve come so far, babies!” But, there was another part of me that became emotional, and I had to bite back tears. Maybe if there hadn’t been so many complications or if Ella’s future were a little more certain, I would only feel triumphant at seeing how far we’ve come. Honestly, the girls look amazing and even have chubby cheeks and thigh rolls, their beginning isn’t obvious and I’m amazed by them and so proud of them.

But, every now and then, something will take me back, make me catch my breath, and a sob will catch in my throat. Maybe that will never go away, and that’s okay as long as I keep yelling to my girls how far they’ve come.