Within weeks, if not days, of pushing out your first kid, you’re inevitably bombarded with people asking when you’re going to have the next one. Most new mums become like deer in the headlights as they’re just trying to survive their first, let alone plan for any additional bundles of joy.
But, having twins seems to flip a switch in people, and everyone tells me “oh, twins! You’re done!” Not a question, but a statement, telling me to close up shop. I wasn’t aware that it was socially acceptable to dictate other’s reproductive plans, but what do I know?
The truth is, I’m not sure if this is it for us. Jason and I had talked about having a big family – which honestly, nowadays is anything over two – but never expected twins to fall in the mix. People are constantly telling him to get a vasectomy, which goes far beyond sharing an opinion and actually pressuring surgery. I’m only slightly surprised no one’s told me to get my tubes tied, though I expect it at some point.
The fact that we live in Canada may effect people’s views as it seems more commonplace to see a bucket of kids spilling out of a minivan and into Target in America. Religion aside, most people choose not to have big families. I mean, let’s face it, kids are freaking expensive. God only knows what tuition will be like in 16 years, and though I fully expect my kids to be geniuses who get full academic scholarships, we are saving for their future education.
So much will determine whether our family is complete or not; money, jobs, where we live, but a lot has to do with Ella’s uncertain future. We know to expect the unexpected, and if she needs a bit more attention, it’s hard to bring another kid into that situation.
I am lucky enough to have four, or even five years, before I really need to make that decision, and while my uterus is currently flashing a giant neon NO VACANCY sign, I don’t know about the future. I’ve heard that you know when your family is complete and so many of our friends have decided that, and I’m happy for them.
While I resent the remarks from strangers, I love the discussion with friends. Some get it, some look at me as if I’ve sprouted two heads. And the thing is, I was told I could never have kids, and so I made plans and imagined a life without kids. That’s changed and I’m a mama, throughout. Yes, I’m still the same sarcastic and opinionated Alyssa, but my kids are my loves and I cherish my role as their mum.
Our family may or may not be complete, but we will always resent other people telling us what to do, and you can bet we’ll teach our kids to follow their heart.
I hear you. People still ask me.