New year, new me

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A glittery heart made by my oldest

As 2015 rapidly comes to a close, I cannot help but reflect on the year. I have to say, this year was not the easiest. There were highs – trip to Europe and making new friends – but, many more lows. When I think about it, it becomes clear that the last couple of years have been hard. The girls’ high risk pregnancy, living at the hospital, emergency c-section, premature births, 80 day NICU stay, almost losing Ella, and then her subsequent diagnosis. The therapies, the appointments,  the exhaustion. But, there are many things to be learned, and I am prepared to enter 2016 with hope, and a few thoughts for myself.

Not be so hard on myself
Let’s be real here; I have three kids under 4 and with that comes chaos. I have a never ending to do list, that doesn’t always include being June Cleaver. Sometimes I feel terrible for making grilled cheese again, but we’re all clean, dressed, well fed, and loved. Plus, grilled cheese is awesome.

Despite having been successful with my Beachbody programs,  if I miss a day or indulge or cheat, I torment myself; poking my belly fat and feeling generally like I’ve ruined everything. I still don’t think I’m strong enough, good enough, or fit enough. But, I’m stronger than when I started and will be stronger still, if I just give myself a chance.

Toot my own horn every now and then
I read a study that has always stuck with me; men are naturally good at saying what they are good at, while women often deflect praise or defer to someone else. I do this all. the. time. At work and as a mum. You know what? I did work my butt off this year both professionally and at home. Yes, my hands are very full. But I think I juggle quite well. No. Fuck it. I do it damn well. I’m a good mum and so far have handled every single thing that has come my way. Bring it, 2016.

Find love
Love actually is all around. At least according to Hugh Grant, and he’s British so we have to believe him. I’m not even talking romantic love, but love. Restoring my faith in humanity,  in people, and most importantly,  in myself.

Be happy
The most important,  and naturally, the hardest.  Happiness doesn’t come easily, and when you so often forget that it’s not ok to be unhappy all the time, it takes a backseat to everything else. There are things that make me happy; my kids, writing, glitter, but there should be more happy days in 2016, more chances at something new. More hope, heart, love, and happy.

So, as I reflect on the past,  I no longer will stumble into the future, but will take this new year by the horns and hold on for dear life, hoping to find a new me at the end of the rainbow.

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