Sorry, I didn’t know it was a contest

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My last Twiniversity blog was about giving Buds attention after the girls came home. It wasn’t meant to be a sob story about having three kids, it was more of a reminder of how important it is to ensure that all your kids, no matter how many you have, know that they are loved and are special.

I had clicked on the comments when the blog was first posted on Facebook and almost all the comments were the same; “Three under three? Try five under five” or “I had twins, an 8 year old, and a ten year old” or some other variation of the same tune; you think you have it rough? I’m so much worse off.

For a brief second, I had forgotten that we are all in direct competition with each other for mum of the year. I would guess that the majority of the people making comments didn’t bother to read the post itself, instead they made assumptions based on the title of the blog, Three Under Three.

There seems to be a belief that the more we struggle and yet survive, the better we are as mothers. And so, naturally, someone with five kids is going to have a harder time in so many ways (financially, emotionally, and even just logistically) than someone with only one child. But who decided that the more kids we have, and especially if they’re close together in age, the harder it is and the more praise we deserve?

Being an amazing mother has nothing to do with the number of kids we have. It is all about our hearts and souls. We don’t need to put each other and our unique experiences down to feel better about ourselves. We’re still in the battle known as the mummy wars, when we should be applauding each other every damn day. You went to the grocery store alone with three kids? You’re amazing! You remembered to get your kid their favourite treat after a busy day at work? Awesome!  You raised one/two/three/infinity children on your own or with a partner? You go, girl! Why do we need to make ourselves feel better by putting each other down?

I hate the feeling of competition. If we’re not vying for mum of the year, we’re comparing our kids and pointing out how advanced they are, in the process tearing down someone else’s baby. Particularly us mums of multiples know it’s not a cake walk, so why do we continue to act so hard done by instead of listening and agreeing with one another?

Yes, I have three kids under three, and yes, some days are damn hard, and others I can make it look easy because that’s my job. I’m a mum.

 

The Nicest Kid on the Block

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Buds on his first day at preschool

Buds is not your typical two year old in many ways. For one thing, he’s a chatterbox and almost never stops talking. He tells stories, but mostly he wants to know about everything. We went to the museum and he wanted to know the names of all the dinosaurs.  He loved learning about hieroglyphs and the mummies. He wants to know what every new word means and then repeats it until he can use it on his own. It’s pretty remarkable watching him and I couldn’t be happier with his love of learning.

Braeden also is very friendly,  never too tired, shy, or cranky to talk to a stranger or friend. Seeing him at school, he plays with new kids every day and tells me stories about how they took turns with the cars outside.

At two and a half, it’s both sweet watching him talk to strangers and, well, a bit scary. At what point do I make the switch from it’s ok to talk to strangers to never talk to strangers? We’ve already talked about never opening the door and to be careful around cars and when crossing the street, but I’m not sure about how to move forward. My son is sweet and funny and loves to learn, I don’t want to turn him into a scared, withdrawn boy whose immediate response to “What’s your name?” is “Why do you want to know?”

As he and his sisters get older, there are so many talks we’ll need to have. Talks about strangers and body changes and many other unpleasant things. For now though, under my watchful eye, I’m okay with Buds just being a two year old.

Three Under Three, All Wanting a Piece of Me | Twiniversity

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At the beginning,  it was a struggle for me to handle all three kids by myself and make sure that they all got attention,  especially Buds.

I found ways to incorporate him into our daily routine based on the things he loves.

In the end, I don’t want regrets when it comes to my kids, and I want them to each go to bed at night knowing that I love them and I’ll always make time for them.

http://twiniversity.com/2014/09/three-under-three-all-wanting-a-piece-of-me/

My sweet, brave girl

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Ella on her way to Sick Kids (day 242)

It’s not often that a five month old blows your mind, but when said five month old has survived a premature birth, grade four brain bleed, enlarged ventricles, pneumothorax, chest tube, transfusions,  and more within weeks of being born, it really shouldn’t surprise me.

Today, we were back at Sick Kids for Ella’s first MRI. Finding out only days ago that she couldn’t eat past 4:30 AM and that she would be under anesthesia,  I was feeling anxious.

After I changed Ella into a teeny tiny hospital gown, we were brought into a room filled with machines that immediately took me back to our NICU days. I answered question after question of her medical history that is longer than my own, at 30 years old.

I cuddled Miss Ella and sang her to sleep before she had to go under anesthesia.  I liked the idea that during her MRI she imagined me singing to her. I watched as two nurses wrapped my baby girl into blankets and the doctor put her under. Immediately,  they asked me to leave, and blinking back tears, I left her in the capable hands of Sick Kids’ staff.

I wandered upstairs and grabbed Starbucks, perused the store, and worried for the hour she’d be having her MRI. When I thought it had been long enough, I headed back to my baby girl.

Finally,  they called me in and her nurse met me at the door with my little one in her arms, wrapped up in her blankets, still slightly out of it, but snuggled right into me, just where she belongs.  Her nurse told me she didn’t cry or fuss, and barely flinched when her IV came out.  Of course, Ella handles things with a smile and a giggle, proving she’s tougher than even her father who can’t stand needles and IVs.

We have such a long road ahead of us and knowing that Ella has already handled so much with grace gives me the strength for the future, including our upcoming doctor’s appointment for the MRI results.

We’re eight months old!

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Ella and Reagan, 8 months (September 7, 2014)

Eight months! I just realized that at some point soon I need to think about the girls’ first Christmas and birthdays.

At five and a half months corrected, the girls weigh around 15 pounds and are wearing six month size clothing. I’ve had to box up even more clothes that they just keep outgrowing. Miss Raegan is still smaller, but is her ever feisty self.

Raegan is prepping for crawling already. She is desperate to move and can go backwards on her hands and knees.  She can sit by herself in a propped up position but hates it. I’m guessing that has a lot to do with the fact that she can’t move as easily then. She is also loving solid food. She gets two bowls of cereal, two servings of fruit, and one veggie every day. You literally cannot shove the food in fast enough!

Ella is still the happiest baby, all chubby cheeks and giggles. Both girls continue to teeth but nothing has popped through yet. Soon enough, I think! She’s back at the doctor this week and we have a couple more appointments this month. She isn’t as far ahead as Raegan, but is trying to sit up on her own and rolls from side to side. She is not a huge fan of the cereal and prunes she’s tried, but hopefully soon she’ll be ready to eat as much as her sister.

We keep trekking on and soon will be prepping for Thanksgiving and Hallowe’en and feeling leaves crunch beneath our feet!

Road Trippin’

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We’re back from our whirlwind adventure to Chicago and managed to all survive the trip! We were gone five days, but with a full day of driving there and a full day back, we had to cram lots of fun into only three days.

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Packing for five people is intense!

We really approached the drive with no expectations. The drive from Toronto to Chicago is eight hours – not including breaks or the border. I wasn’t expecting us to roll into town until way after the kids’ bedtime,  but after leaving at 7:30 AM and gaining an hour with the time change, we made it there in time for dinner.

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Our walk on the beach

Our first day, Tuesday, was pretty relaxed as we were all tired from the long drive and there was a big storm that morning in Chicago. We enjoyed some time at Target (sooo much better in America!) and when the skies cleared and the sun came out again, we walked along the beach that was all of five minutes from the hotel.

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Meeting baby C!

That night, we finally got to meet Miss C who gave her parents a hard time with her NICU staycation,  but looked lovely and despite how big she is for a newborn,  seemed so little! She didn’t even make a peep while our three children ensured everyone paid attention to them.

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A little break!

Buds was pretty quick to notice that Chicago has a plethora of buses and his only request was to go on a double decker and sit on the top, and we were happy to oblige! The bus took us all over the city and it was a beautiful day. The view of the skyline from Museum Campus is unbelievable.

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Buds on a bus!

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B loved seeing all the buses!

After the morning spent on a bus, and a massive yet delicious lunch at The Cheesecake Factory,  the kids all collapsed in exhaustion for the afternoon. Once they were finally up, we headed for pizza and pasta with some more of our favourite Chicagoans.

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Dinner!

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Jas and B enjoy some pizza

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B walks back to the hotel with his new friend!

Our last day was spent back with Miss C and her awesome parents at Lincoln Park Zoo. If you haven’t been and find yourself in Chicago, it should be a must-see! It’s small but FREE and gorgeous, tucked right in the city near the lake. B was delighted to find a little train near the entrance,  and went on twice.

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Best view in the house

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Fishies!

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Riding the train

To end our awesome trip filled with sun, friends, and laughter, we headed to one of our favourite joints, Ditka’s. Jas of course requested the Packers section and I had meatloaf that could quite easily feed a family of 8.

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Mama and Ella at Ditka's

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Famjam!

You would think that traveling with a toddler and five month old twins would be stressful and crazy, but aside from all the stuff we had to bring, it was fairly relaxed. We didn’t plan anything but we all had fun and the unexpected bus tour was so much fun. We’re thinking of taking a road trip every year and next year we’re thinking Boston!

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The kids all tuckered out!

Family Album

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We’re pretty lucky seeing as my bestie’s mum is a fabulous photographer who would probably kill me if I allowed anyone else to photograph my children. She’s taken maternity shots for us during both pregnancies and did Braeden’s first birthday shots, which are all incredible. Last month, we grabbed all the kids and pretended to be models. Here are some of my favourite shots. (Raegan was being a bit of a diva, so we have some shots of just Braeden and Ella)

All photos by Denise Grant

AK017 AK019 AK021 AK023 AK027 AK037 AK039 AK047 AK049 AK052 AK068 AK070 AK084 AK085

 

Dear Momo Mama

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In so many first time posts from new Momo mamas, they’re asking for assurances, asking those of us who have been there to tell them it will all be ok. Of course, we can’t, but I think there are some things I can say.

Dear Mama,

You have just been given the greatest news; you’re pregnant! You imagine your belly growing with a teeny little being who will instantly turn you to pudding the moment they arrive in the world. You think about what it will be like to be a Mum or what having a second or third child will be like.

Then, you’re told the scariest news; mono mono twin pregnancy. You Google and are immediately filled with fear. Cord entanglements. Late term miscarriage. Stillborn. Premature delivery. C section. NICU. You can literally feel your heart sinking to your stomach as you think of anything happening to the two tiny peanuts you already love.

We, your fellow Momo mamas, have been there. Our stories are all different, some unbelievably sad, others a beacon of hope. We, and now you, are part of a small community.  Only 1% of twin pregnancies are mono mono. There is little research, and depending where you live, there may be limited knowledge around you. Doctors may even suggest to terminate such a high risk pregnancy because they just don’t know anything about it.

I can tell you that what you’ve read is true. This pregnancy will be scary and it will fill you with doubt and uncertainty. You will feel at fault, you will feel alone, no matter how surrounded by love you are. 

I can’t tell you what your outcome will be. I can’t tell you how long you’ll be in the NICU.

I can say that when you’re up late at night, feeling kicks and jabs, that when you’re sitting in a dark room pumping,  or strapped to a monitor watching two competing heartbeats, we’ve been there.

This pregnancy will be hard. The NICU time harder. You may experience loss, there will be sadness. But we’re here. If ever you feel alone. We’re here.

Our stories and journeys differ, but we are a group of tough mamas who hold on to hope that our children will grow, will know love.

You can stay strong, you must stay strong, but when you feel like you need a rest, we’re here.

Either this is teething or we’re in the ninth circle of hell

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Last night, Jas and I came home from a double date night and were stoked to hear all three kids had slept the whole time we’d been gone, thinking we were finally turning a page with Raegan. And then, 1:30 hit and it was like all hell broke loose.

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Before we knew what our night had in store

Miss Raegan proceeded to spend the next five and a half hours screaming, drooling, and gnawing on her fingers. I had finally got her to go to sleep and had just let my head touch my oh so soft and comfy pillow when Miss Ella woke up crying, waking her sister in the process.

At 6 AM, they finally went to sleep and then Raegan and Braeden were both up at 8 AM. Needless to say, I was a zombie today.

We’re about 99.99% sure that both girls are teething and Raegan is just pissed about it. I’ve tried Tylenol, solids, extra solids, music,and toys to gnaw on to make her feel better and she just isn’t having it.

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Ella having a snooze

Hopefully, these teeth come in soon and the drama can end. Buds had a few cranky teething days, but never gave up so much of his precious sleep, and thankfully, my precious sleep.

I am hoping tonight goes better and that we don’t have to deal with sleepless nights for every tooth that comes in. I’d hate to think that she’ll act this way at 18 when her wisdom teeth come in, but if she does, she definitely gets her crankiness from her dad.

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Ella and Raegan trying avocado, hoping with full tummies, they'll sleep!

Welcome to the NICU family

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My lovely friend who just had her baby found herself in the NICU for a couple days. You’d think after spending so much time in the NICU myself, I would know what to say to make her feel better.

Except, I didn’t really. We may have both ended up in the NICU but our journeys were so different. Jas and I knew our girls would be early and we knew they’d be spending time in the NICU. After waiting so long to get pregnant and then 39 long weeks anticipating her arrival, you don’t expect to end up in the NICU.

It seems that when things like this happen, our natural response is to compare our own experiences, to talk about how we understand because, hey, we’ve been there. But, we don’t really.

I understand many of the feelings that she must have; the fear, anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, loneliness. The feelings of being unable to parent when every fiber of your being is telling you to pick up your baby and hold them.

But I don’t know what it’s like to have a full-term baby return to the hospital, and although the girls endured so much, they never had jaundice. Even if our story was similar, or even exactly the same, our experience of it would differ. You know that saying about walking in someone else’s shoes? Well, unless you’re me walking in my fabulous Sam Edelmans, you don’t know what it was like and how I felt, and that’s ok. It’s not about telling people you get it or you understand or you’ve been there. It’s about just being there and listening and not making it about you.

Yes, our paths took us down a similar road, but our journeys there are different and special, just like our babies.